Dr. Ellen Kreidman, Ph. D.
"The best gift you can ever give your
children is a loving relationship with your mate. The happiest, most
well-adjusted children come from a home where mommy and daddy love
each other." Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.
I have asked hundreds of couples who are still in love with each
other and whose children are happy and well-adjusted, the secret of
their wonderful relationship. Although each couple may say it
differently, the bottom line is always the same. Their relationship
has been, is, and always will be, their top priority.
Even couples with five or six children seized the chance to make
love when the baby took a nap or when the older children were in
school. These happy couples are the ones who would hire a
baby-sitter so they could go to a movie, for a walk or have a
romantic dinner alone.
They are the ones who would trade baby-sitting with a neighbor so
they could spend a weekend alone together. As the children got
older, these parents taught their children to respect their privacy
when the bedroom door was closed.
These were not terrible, selfish parents. On the contrary, theirs
was the healthy, normal behavior of a couple who respected their own
sexuality and valued the romantic love they shared.
The ideas below may seem far-fetched to some people but I have
incorporated every single one of them in my own life. After 37 years
of marriage, I am still in love with my husband and have raised 3
happy, healthy, well-adjusted children.
1. A 10 Second Kiss Everyday - A peck on the cheek says, "I love
you," but a 10 second kiss says, "I'm still in love with you!"
2. A 20 Second Hug Everyday - When giving a hug, focus on sending
love from your heart. It takes at least 5 seconds to block out all
the outside distractions and another 15 seconds to exchange that
loving energy with one another.
3. A 5 Second Compliment Everyday - When your head hits the pillow
at night, ask yourself, "Did I make my mate feel good today? Did I
give a compliment? If the answer is NO, you owe your mate two the
4. 30 Minutes of Dialogue Everyday - Share your day. You need to
spend 30 minutes of uninterrupted time talking to each other every
day. If you don't, then the days become weeks, and weeks become
months and before you know it, you're sitting across from a stranger
thinking, "I don't know you"!
5. Date Night Once a Week - It doesn't matter where you go, as long
as it's just the two of you. You have 6 other evenings to be with
your family and friends. This is your special night together.
6. Schedule Intimate Time Together on the Calendar - We put doctor
and dentist appointments on the calendar. We even schedule car
maintenance on the calendar. We also need to put the person who
means the most to us on the calendar.
7. Do Something Spontaneous Every 6 Months - Inside every man
there's a little boy and inside every woman there's a little girl
waiting to come out and play. The man or woman who knows how to be
playful is a joy in someone's life.
8. Once Every 3 Months Schedule an Overnight Stay at a Hotel -
Everyone goes on a honeymoon. A mini-moon every three months is very
important. You have to stop seeing each other as mommy and daddy and
instead as lovers. Many hotels have inexpensive get-away packages.
It will renew your mind, body and spirit and give you more energy
when you return.
9. Once a Year Take a One Week Vacation - You can be very creative
so that it doesn't cost a lot of money. You can make an agreement
with a friend to exchange babysitting once a year. You can stay home
and pretend you are at a resort. Having breakfast in bed, taking
long walks, and just connecting in way that is not possible with
your children there, fortifies your relationship for another year.
Camping is another possibility. Going for hikes, eating whenever you
want, sitting around the campfire, makes you more patient and
relaxed when you return.
10. Make a "Do Not Disturb" Sign for Your Door. Explain to your
children that mommy and daddy need time alone. Help your children
make a sign for their door as well.
Learning how to put fun, romance and communication in your
relationship will form a solid foundation for your children.
Remember, if you don't have a love affair with your mate, someone
Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D. is a highly
acclaimed relationship expert. She is the author of the Best Selling
Programs "Light His Fire- How to Keep a Man Hopelessly and
Passionately in Love with You" and "Light Her Fire- How to Ignite
Passion and Excitement in the Woman You Love." For more information
on an alternative to marriage counseling visit her website,