By: Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
Many problems in relationships arise
because we react blindly. Reaction arises out of our automatic,
conditioned nature that expects trouble at every turn. When we are
caught up in "reaction" it becomes easy and natural to blame the
other for what is going on. As we do this, we are shifting
responsibility for the mess we are in. Relationship balancing
teaches us the true meaning of responsibility - which is the ability
to respond not to react. This must be learned and cultivated. When
we learn to respond we automatically become aligned with the best in
ourselves and others and have the opportunity to build our
relationship upon a strong foundation. The exercises which follow
enable us to respond, not react.
Give The Other The Benefit Of The Doubt
Most of the time, when something upsetting happens, we find negative
reasons for someone's behavior, see the worst in them. In
relationship balancing, we turn this around and consciously, give
the other the benefit of the doubt. Find positive explanations
instead, actively focus upon the best in your partner and create
positive reasons for their behavior.
By seeing the best, not the worst in the other we are balancing our
natural inclination to find fault. As we do this, we will also begin
to look for and see the best in ourselves. Perception is vital. As
we perceive, so shall we be. What we see in others, we bring out in
them. This is a deeper understanding of "responsibility". It teaches
us to become responsible for how we perceive a situation, what
aspect of it we wish to focus upon. By taking charge of our
perception, out of thousands of possible points of view, we choose
those that will be supportive and uplifting. We do not choose to
perceive in a way that encourages anger and upset.
Do not give up on a person.
We are often ready to "dump" a person because they are difficult to
handle. This principal teaches us to stay with a situation or
person, right through their difficulties. This does not mean that we
can never leave or change a relationship, but even if we do that, we
do not give up on the person, but hold them in our minds and hearts
with warm regards.
Stay In The Present. Let The Past Be The Past.
This step requires that we give up grudges and allow each day to be
new. We deal with events, as they are taking place now and do not
carry the past into each encounter. This allows change to take place
and allows each moment to arise freshly. So many relationships
flounder because the partners never wake up to a new day. Reality
continually renews and confronts us with new tasks and
possibilities. Are we in touch with this ever flowing reality, or
constantly dwelling on the past? Is our energy used up remembering
how we were wronged and what we must do to make it right? Give this
up and try the wonderful medicine of staying in the present and
letting the past be the past.
Learn how to resolve conflict and build life giving relationships in
Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships),
www.truthaboutlove.com. Top psychologist, mediator and
relationship expert, founder of Everyone Wins Mediation, has helped
thousands resolve conflicts and find balance and strength. Free
ezine, articles. Find her at http://www.newyorkmediates.com,
[email protected], http://www.brendashoshanna.com, (212) 288-0028